From episode #105 – Introduction to Conscious Relationships
Aaron
Would you also say that maybe one reason why many people suffering, is in relationships, is because they do rely on the relationship to fulfill voids that they may have internally
Alexander
That’s a great question and I hope to answer it with what I’m going into, but if I get off, I want you to bring me back to that. There’s this thing with codependency in relationships. That term is still seen, I feel like, pretty negatively, and it doesn’t have to be seen negatively because some people are designed to be more codependent than others.
So it doesn’t have to be something negative. It can be something healthy, but we’ve got to at least be able to look at that term neutrally. And when codependency is present, there is a fear or lack of responsibility that’s being taken. So here’s the very first step, that when there’s codependency present and you’re trying to work with self-development or develop the relationship to go to deeper levels, responsibility is one of the key aspects of doing self-growth work. You have to hold yourself more accountable than the average person. And see, there’s always a handicap. There’s already an obstacle to overcome when that codependency is there on one person, or a lot of times it’s with both people that are involved. So there’s responsibility avoidance going on, sometimes in both situations, but both parties are trying, they may be even going to events and reading books and they really want to change, but this is where I see a lot of frustration.
And so, bring me back around if that didn’t answer your question. I just wanted to make sure that we got that out as well.
Aaron
It does in a way, and I have more that I want you to expand upon because, it was good that you reflected back to me, the codependency when looked at neutrally, is not a negative thing. You’re right, it can have that negative connotation. Even though I would say the majority of relationships are codependent. And I feel like what’s missing in that is consciousness. Where are these people codependent? Where is it in their energetic makeup? And obviously we can look at the Human Design, and maybe the Destiny Cards, to look at the energies that each person is bringing to that relationship. And then that’s where the consciousness can come in. So we can consciously say that this person would, or is seeking this energy because they have an absence of that, and this person would fulfill that for them. And that’s probably what are one of the reasons why they were attracted to each other.
But I think codependency may have that negative aspect to it because nobody’s really conscious about it. And it’s like, we’re all just trying to hook in. We all had just have a plugs hanging from us and we’re just trying to plug into whoever’s going to give it to us.
Alexander
Yeah. Because I want to give it in a view like this. That say you have something like asthma or something that keeps you from breathing as well as you possibly could. But then you got in a relationship with somebody that could breathe excellent. And, if you could learn through this example, working with them and how they breathe, and maybe they have breathing exercises and they actually work on it intentionally and they have great stamina with their breath through exercise, normally there’s some intention behind that. And so the reason that polarities or opposites attract is so that we can utilize each other to become optimal.
But if that person doesn’t want to learn to breathe better, then this person is going to continue to grow in that direction and breathing and enjoying life and being outside and that type of thing. But the one that carries the restriction, as the relationship goes on, they’ll stop wanting to do as much and just wean away from experiences with that partner because it interferes with their breathing. So looking at why or what would possibly be the reason of all of this polarity and opposites attracting in relationships.
And that’s why I named this philosophy, the J.U.S.T. Philosophy as acronyms for Journeys Unite Seeking Transformation. But we have to do the work to transform. We can’t depend or be codependent on that person, just always playing that certain role. That’s not growing. We have the opportunity to work together on each other’s weaknesses, utilizing our strengths, so that you can become more of a whole.
And another way that I like to share it is in the idea of a child ideally receiving from equally the masculine and the feminine energies. And we’re not talking gender here. So if it is a male and female that are the parents, the male doesn’t just have to carry the masculine energies. He can work on his feminine side to be just as nurturing potentially as the mother. And the mother can work to be just as authoritative as the father. And then they can, see not get stuck in playing gender roles with their kids, they can go back and forth and trade the responsibility. And that’s what helps to create a balance and it doesn’t matter about the gender of the parents. It’s about the energy that they are strong in and energies that their weak in. And once again, normally opposites attract in that, no matter the gender.